DARE to be YOU! -♥- Juicy Heart
The article might be a little heavy… It might be a little harsh… it might even be a bit juicy… and it is what it is…
So today I had the first day off in several days. I went to a GAY bookstore… One of the oldest in North America. I got lots of books. I had to wait a little bit before I went to the bookstore and I had a coffee in the village while I waited. After coffee I went to for a little walk one my way to the store. All the while I felt a little strange. I felt a little isolated and I felt a whole lot different. I just was not feeling myself! I was wondering where the Radical PINK Fairy had wandered off to?
In this little journey I got a BIG piece of insight.
That is:
Simply be different! Celebrate the different! LOVE the different! The different is really who I am!
Seems simple enough, and yes it actually is simple. It is the insides of this and the back-story and the history of all of that difference that make acceptance challenging.
As a child I was always different. I loved to read. I disliked physical contact. I was a very artistic boy. I loved to cook, I even tried my hand at sewing. All in all I was mostly content although isolated and feeling pretty different.
As a teen I was way different. I loved flashy cloths. I was turned on by boys and men. I loved to read. I liked to be very musical in my classical sort of way. I loved to travel. I longed for a boyfriend.
As a young man that difference continued to grow. I got more artistic and went to a little art school. I developed a design sense. I met my husband and through trial and error developed a loving and connected relationship. I worked theater design. I learned to cook. I learned to be in a loving and committed relationship with another man.
This story of difference can totally continue to the present and the 50++ man that I am today.
The pondering and the ah ha moment today was that all that difference is really me.
I don’t need to punish myself any more for being exactly who I am. I no longer have to carefully ascertain if the difference is going to kill me or if I will get beat up or isolated or pushed off the island. I have already endured all of the isolation and push away that I can ever image. Nothing could be worse that trying to fit in and not, I gave up trying some time in grade 8 or 9 so when I was 13 or 14 years old.
So what if if I am a little or a lot different. I will be me not matter what. I have to be me or else I will simply not feel right or good or feel like I want to carry on.
So today I am me, all that I really am, it is really kind of natural!
A middle aged sex educator who enjoys teaching and inspiring, and lives in this like there is nothing else,
A male middle aged white queer, who loves and welcomes all sorts of diversity and all sorts of difference, the only thing that I can not accept or tolerate is HATE,
A gay man who is a marriage counsellor to gay men, this should come as no surprise knowing how much I adore my relationship and how much my relationship gives to me, even after 38+ years, I hope that everyone can be fed and nourished by their relationship,
A spunky artist that likes to squeeze a little spunk into those oh so fluid paintings,
A hot chef who likes to cook and eat and be a raconteur of food and life, I love my body and adore feeding it and nourishing it with the richness of the earth,
A lover of travel and a man who is fed by diversity in culture, art, society,
An overachiever who puts a lot in and is not too afraid of failure because I don’t really believe that success and failure are on the same scale as what we put into life and what we take out,
A lover of men and a man who can give and receive love because, this interchange of love and energy fuels my life
A lover of my husband who fuels my life and feeds my need for energy,
A fifty++ man who likes pink leather and black lace, loves to mix all that stereotypical shit up and blow it up and see what happens,
And there is more in me that I am certain is different and makes me different in the eyes of the world… however…
All that difference, all of that, that is unlike others,actually makes me who I am. So no, it never got better, my experience of life and the world making me different never really changed. BUT! I got better. I became more myself and integrated more of those differences that make me who I am and I finally feel like I am really, truly ME! -♥-
All me and juicy, pink and vibrant to boot!
Love
Phillip
Phillip Coupal and radical acceptance