Being generous is sometime very difficult.
Tears of Gratitude or Frustration
Being generous without being acknowledged for the generosity can be very challenging. Then continuing to be generous especially after being slapped or criticized for what you have given, even though you gave out of your best intention, is actually excruciatingly difficult. When all has been said and done and there is yet another slap that comes along, this shakes me and makes me want to be brittle and harsh. This final slap fills me with resentment and makes me want to be unkind. I must battle within myself to remain on my path which is one of generosity and kindness.
Being generous, beyond what one’s boundary might be, often does not work out, as it can lead to the resentment that I am now feeling.
There is a place in me where I must find my own wisdom about simply giving to get through the situation, over or out of the situation. Being generous can sometimes be the only road to go. Sometimes being generous while being in what seems a lack of generosity can be a struggle.
The struggle is in the surrender. Surrendering to the horrible situation, surrendering to the lack of understanding or dirth of kindness that is being given back can sometimes be a lesson. Ultimately, I hope that this lesson does not affect my ability to give and be kind, for me to seek understanding. I hope that when all is done and the ending has played out that there can be at least a small sense of peace. I know that I am certainly glad each time a small piece of this separation, this divorce per say, comes to its own conclusion. It saddens me that what I once thought was benevolent and kind, can be so unconscious and patently unkind. I must surrender to my hurt and get back up, dust myself off and assume my own personal power.
In finding my personal power, I must recognize my contraction into the bitter, resentful and hurt place and surrender to my pain and, choose my power. I can be powerful when I change my mind, change my thoughts and my heart. I must follow my resolve to be kind and generous and know that by being on my path I will feel better and be more able to be a loving human being no matter what is happening on the outside.
Generosity! Sometimes it can be a struggle and then when I am powerful and in my own sense of kindness and generosity, I am in my self, my power and being true to who I am.
Tears of Gratitude or Frustration
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